Round#7

Round#7 chemo went uneventfully. I went to the chemo without my wig for the first time. I had a head wrap with me. I did not realize how cold you could feel when you don't have hair. I regretted that I did not wear something warmer, like the hat Judy C. from work made for me. Josh who came with me and I were talking about buying a hat on our way there. As soon as I walked in the clinic, I remembered there are many places you could pick up free hats, scarves or bandanas that are made with love by volunteers. For the first time I realize how important these gifts are. I picked one from the basket. I feel the love from a stranger. Thank you whoever you are!

As usual, I slept through my chemo. I felt tired even after I got home and slept three hour more. Thanks for the delicious dinner brought by the Myers'. Kids already helped themselves before I woke up. I even did not have a chance to take a photo!

After all the sleep, I felt energized. I went to Gentex to be a part of Livestrong, To Be Continued, 24 hour cycling event. I biked only 10 miles. It did not make me tired enough to sleep well at night. The next morning, I got up earlier for Gentex Golf Open. I had a great time playing golf with Kurt, Justin and Chuck from HR team. Unfortunately, my energy level dropped quickly. I had even hard time to drive home. I slept another 3 hours and missed my chance to go back to the Livestrong event.

I have to say that my energy level really frustrats me. Last week, I had to take naps after work on Monday and Tuesday. I had talked to some other people at work and some had told me that taking a nap after work is part of their routine. But this is so not me!! I typically stay up and constantly on the go for 16-18 hours straight in a day. Friday's blood test results show that my red blood counts continue to be low. I think that is the true reason why I am tired easily. But these numbers are really not consider too bad.

Test Name	Test Date	Result		NormalRange
Hemoglobin	August 24, 2012	11.4 g/dL		12.0 - 15.5
Hematocrit	August 24, 2012	34.2 %		34.9 - 44.5
Erythrocytes	August 24, 2012	3.77 x10(12)/L		3.90 - 5.03

Some people asked how my family is doing. I am happy to report that everything seems to be normal at home. Toby is already back to college for two weeks. Joshua will be going back by the end of this month. Anna and Jenny just returned from Blue Lake Music camp. They both had a great time. They played 6 hours or so instrument each day. Jenny plays flute. Anna is the only Bass Clarinet at the camp. She got a lot one-on-one lessons. Their final performance was wonderful. Right now, they can't wait for their school to start after Labor Day.

Anna and Jenny with their friends at Blue Lake Camp

My husband Bert is doing great. He obviously takes on even more housework than usual. The more important role he is playing is to provide a big shoulder for me to put my head on when I need one. I was very frustrated last week that I had to "waste" my time to sleep more. I love my work and time goes fast there and I don't feel tired there at all. But once I get home, I have this mental shut down and my body goes with it. I have so many things I would like to do at home too, but now I am leaving more things to him. He never complains. He dose more housework than me anyway. But I think he has "chemo" moment too. Here is what I found when I opened the dishwasher to unload it the other day. My poor husband had loaded two fresh peppers into the dishwasher!! He said, they must have rolled off the counter, but I don't believe him:).

Cook Peppers in the dishwasher? Must be chemo effect:)

I am so proud of my husband for running a 5K color burst run today with Jenny. Since he ran his first 5K ever with me two months ago, he has been doing his exercise regularly and lost more than 20 lbs! Way to go Bert!

The Franz Team (Jenny and Bert) at Color Burst Run

Other than being tired, I don't any other side effects. I continue to be able to work four days a week. Other than my frustration with tiredness, I have no other sad feelings. I think I am more accepting to the tiredness now. It may be God's way to tell me to slow down. I still try to run/walk or bike a few times a week just to keep in good shape.

I told my fight crew at work to take a break because there will be nothing new going one from now until week#12. Guess what. They did not listen. My friend Lori Q said to me that you don't take a break so wouldn't we! How blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. Last Thursday, they surprised me with a basket of cancer fighting food. I am amazed at their ability of continuing to find creative ways to encourage me. I have so much to learn from them as I feel that I have done so little to help others. Our whole family has been enjoy on these healthy snacks.

some of the antioxidant rich foods that fight free radicals (that cause cancer) and slow the aging process. 

They are right, eating healthy food is a part of fighting again cancer. The package comes with list of Antioxidant Rich Foods compiled by Dana R. I am sharing it here so others can benefit from it.
(not in particular order)
Almonds, Artichokes, Asparagus, Black Beans, Black Plums, Blackberries, Broccoli, Cranberries, Cultivated Blueberries, Eggplants, Gala Apples, Granny Smith Apples, Pecans, Pinto Beans, Popcorn (air popped), Prunes, Raspberries, Red Delicious Apples, Red Kidney Beans, Russet Potatoes, Small Red Beans, Spinach, Standard Plums, Strawberries, Sweet Cherries, Sweet Potatoes, Tomatoes, Walnuts, Wild Blueberries, Yellow Onions. And Dark Chocolate according to Lori Q.

Let's all try to live a healthy life!!

The fight continues

Thanks to my fighting crew for the cards and encouraging notes again and these beautiful flowers and this pair of fighting gloves! They come at the right time. My ultrasound results show that my visitor is still there. It is smaller though. It has shrunk from 1.7 cm to 0.9 cm and "more ill defined" as indicated on the ultrasound results. I think this probably was the reason that my doctor and I could not feel it easily. Nevertheless, I am glad I had this ultrasound to confirm that it is not growing or spread out more. Pray for its continue shrinkage. If this is the rate it is going, I do have a hope that by the end of the chemo (14 more weeks to go), it may disappear completely. It really doesn't matter much as long as it is shrinking because I have decided to have double mastectomy anyway - giving this visitor or any his relatives no chance to re-appear. It is just the best outcome if the main tumor is completed disappeared after chemo. Keep the prayers and fights on!

All my blood test results are still good on week#6. My red blood cell is still at the borderline low, but my red blood cell is back to normal. I continue to have good energy level. I was at a conference the whole week. It is tough even for normal people to sit in the conference room the whole day. I had no problem attending the conference and all its evening activities as well. Besides some tolerable diarreha occasionally, nothing else bothers me. I contribute this to my positive attitude, all the prayers as well as the well designed chemo procedure. I read normally this type of chemo is given once every 2 or 3 weeks. In order to do that, the dose has to be much higher to start with so it would last 2 or 3 weeks. I think that would be much harder to tolerate. With this clinical trial, they are trying it weekly so I have a relative constant amount of chemicals in my body that is easily tolerable. I think I may analyzing too much. It comes with my profession. What can I say:). I know for sure that I drive my doctors crazy by asking too many questions. I really feel that I am working with them to fix me. I hope they appreciate it:).

Round #6 chemo went uneventfully. Once I was on Benadryl,  I felt asleep. I then again slept through the whole chemo process. I actually felt a little bit rude to ignore all what was going on in that room. Hopefully I did not snore too loud:)

During the time whey they gave me premed for the chemo, I did some paper work to join another clinical study for mayo clinic. This study is more behavior study to link any life style and habit to breast cancer. I want to do as much as I can to help future breast cancer prevention.

According to American Cancer Society, you can take control of your health and reduce your risk of cancer by doing the following -

• Stay away from tobacco
• Stay at a healthy weight
• Get moving with regular physical activity
• Eat healthy with plenty of fruits and vegetables
• Limit how much alcohol you drink (if you drink at all)
• Protect your skin
• Know yourself, your family history and your risks
• Have regular check-ups and cancer screening tests

Unfortunately, I do all the above. Maybe I need to do more physical activities and loose more weight. 

I found a nice booklet at while waiting for my chemo that summarizes cancer facts for woman. Besides breast cancer as the most common type of cancer for women, we also need to pay attention to other types of cancers such as Colorectal Cancer, Endometrial Cancer, Lung Cancer, Cervical Cancer, Skin Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, that are also leading cause of death. You may find this guide useful too. Here is the website ...

http://www.cancer.org/Healthy/FindCancerEarly/WomensHealth/cancer-facts-for-women

It is time to get off the internet and go out for more physical activities. Bert and I plan to ride bike through out the town this morning to have some breakfast in downtown and shop around at the farmers market. It is a beautiful west michigan day out there. Enjoy!

Feel the power of prayers

Oh, there are so much to write but there are so little time!! Tons of things happened in this past few days. I can't decide where to start.

Maybe start with the wig. It is always fun to talk about my hair nowadays in my household. Did I tell you before that my 5 minute shower now becomes 3 minutes and my 30 minutes hairdo each morning now takes only 30 seconds? While, that was until I had more than one wig! It took me nearly 30 minutes to decide which one to use this morning! All I wanted was to have a shorter hair one so my hair does not stay around my neck in this hot weather. Between choosing an outfit and then a hair, life becomes complicated. Sadly, I thought it would be a hot day so I finally walked out with the shorter hair one. Guess what, it was a cold day. Now I will be in a conference for three days. I don't think I should suddenly change it to the longer hair one tomorrow. I will be stuck with the shorter one for at least two more days. Did I say I will wear wig all the time until my hair grows back? I am not sure anymore because it makes my life complicated. I like the way I am at home - running around without hair. So here is a secret for you - before too long, I think I may give up the wig all together.

I am so blessed to have so many friends. Honestly, I did not know I had so many friends before. I am overwhelmed with supports and encouragement I have received so far. I often wonder if I really deserve such wonderful treatment. Every day, I feel I need to be a better person to others because I have been receiving the wonderful gifts of friendship. Girls (and guys) at work have been more diligently praying for me. Every Thursday for the past three weeks since my friends know about my visitor, I have been surprised with a gift in my mail box. Last Thursday, I got a message saying checking my mailbox before leaving for chemo. I worked late to squeeze my five days of work into four days. So by the time I went the mail room, it was nearly 7:30pm. I was surprised with this HUGE fortune cookie filled with cards, notes and words of encouragement and prayers! I literally laugh out loud. Sadly no one was there to share my excitement.

I read every words many times!! Thank you my friends!

By now, all my friends already know the good news that my visitor (aka, the tumor) is not easily palpated anymore. But I still would liked to documented here. After 4 rounds of chemo, I was scheduled to meet my oncologist last Friday to see how I was doing before moving onto the next four weeks according to the study. At the exam, she could not feel the visitor anymore. There was no clear and measurable lump anymore. I can still feel that the area of my breast is different - not necessarily a lump, but may be thickened tissues - it is really hard to say. My doctor was very pleased with what she felt. She wrote in her report "the chemo is working exceedingly well". I, on the other hand, as scientist, really would like to "see" some data. After some discussions, I convinced my doctor to do an ultrasound "just to satisfy the patient's concern" as she wrote it. Unfortunately I have to wait until next week to do so because they could not schedule on quick enough.

Needless to say, I am very excited. I know the medicine is doing its part, but deep down in my heart, I know the power of prayers from my friends and family is the key factor for this good news. I wanted to say that everything happens for a reason or like my son Toby puts it, you can make good out of everything. The good things about me getting cancer so far have been that I am much closer to God today than before, I am much closer to my family and my friends today, I am getting to know so many people I did not know before, I appreciate every day of my life much more than before, I feel the joy of getting up every morning to meet my day, I love to go work, I actually love to do everything... I have no idea where all these come from and why I did not always felt this way before. I believe God heals, spiritually and physically.

Regardless what the ultrasound would reveal, I will still need to finish all the chemos and have surgery at the end. However, ultimately for every neoadjuvant treatment (chemotherapy before surgery), the best outcome would be pathologic complete response (no tumor found at the time of surgery). I hope I am not too greedy to pray that outcome. I do know with the power of prayers and my fighting crews, anything is possible!

The 5th round of chemo went very smoothly. I finished it in less than 2 hours. However, all the time while I had my chemo, I felt bad for the person next to me. She threw up nearly non-stop while having the chemo. Poor thing. I wish I could give her some of my luck. It was like the more she was afraid to throw up, the more easily she did. Nurses were surprised that she even threw up on pre-meds. Someday, I hope there would be other ways to administrate medicines.....I felt a little guilty about the whole thing....

On a different note of life, my girls are at Blue Lake Music Camp this week. I miss them a lot, but I hope they enjoy their time there. Toby moved back to college yesterday. He moved back in two weeks before everyone else because he will be working as "Peer Academic Success Specialist" which comes with free room and board and an iPad and an air-conditioned office. In return, he helps residents on their academic successes with office hours. I think he truly loves that job. In two weeks, Joshua will move back to college too. Another semester of our life will start too. How funny that parents life can also be marked with semesters.

Round 4

Another round of chemo is completed. My blood test before the chemo continues to show good results. These multivitamin and red meat help to keep my red blood cells in the normal range. My white blood cell is still low, but not in any dangerous zone.

For some reason, today's chemo went very fast. I dozed through most of the part. When it was done, I was still drowsy. They gave me three drugs before the chemo medicine. One is a steroid, one is Benadryl and is another kind of antihistamine. All three medicines are given to prevent any allergic reaction to the chemo medicine Taxol. Benadryl made me drowsy, but the steroid kept me awake after the chemo. Doctor also prescribed some sleeping pill in case I could not sleep again. I may try...hate the idea of taking all of these drugs that keep me up and then taking sleeping pills to put me down. I will let you know how this all work out later.

I had a very little conversation with other people in my chemo room today because I fell asleep most of the time. However, one lady there who really inspired me. She sat across the room from me. She seemed to be in her late 70s or earlier 80s. She made a comment that this was her 16th chemo. She was so excited that she bought herself a new hat to celebrate. I made a mistake by asking how many more chemo she would still have. You see, I assumed everyone is like me to have only certain numbers of chemos before or after surgery. She did not answer my question. Instead, she said: "My doctor did not think I could live long enough to have 3 chemos. I am so excited to have my 16th today". That was when I suddenly realized she is on the terminal stage of some kind of cancer. When that happens, doctor will use chemo as a way to prolong the patient's life. Chemo is no longer a treatment method. It is a way to stop or slow the cancer spreading. This lady inspired me because with her attitude, I could not tell she was given a death sentence already! She was happily talked about her grand children's visits, her children's cruise trip, her cooking and cleaning the house. Out of the 6 people in the room, she was the only one talking more than me. Yet, she probably has the worse of all situations!!

This also reminds me how easy one can ask the "wrong" question and how gently she gave me the answer without making me embarrassed. I hope I did not offend anyone when some people asked me "What is your survival rate? (or What is the prognosis? How long can you live?)" and I answered "my survival rate is 100%". I meant it! I guess deep in our hearts we all know that every cancer is different depending on many factors such as stage, type and reaction to treatment. I don't have all the answers yet, but I will fight on no matter what so I believe there is only one outcome that is I win!

What advantages I have then that makes me so determined that I will win?

• I detected it relatively earlier. I want every woman in this world to be able to detect their breast cancer earlier. By the size of it, my cancer is stage I. However the true stage is normally determined at the surgery which I will do after the chemo.
• No indication of lymph node involvement. This is done through needle aspiration biopsy. This again needs to be verified at surgery later.
• No indication it has gone anywhere else in my body through CAT scan and Bone scan.
• I have the fastest growing type cancer. This is scary and you would think it should not be an advantage. Fast growing cells react better to chemotherapy. This is one of the reasons why I do chemo before surgery. By doing chemo first, doctor can monitor the tumor. I pray the chemo will be effective on my tumor. If for any reason it does not (quite high chance unfortunately), doctor can consider using different chemo. If I we chose to take the tumor out with surgery first and then chemo, we would not know if the chemo be effective. 
• I am relative young and healthy:). I can fight. So far, I don't have any major side effect yet from the chemo. I am able to work more than 4 days a week and only take time off for chemo.
• I have so many supporters that keep in positive and cheerful. Your encouragement, cards, gifts, meals and even a simple hug, hello, smile mean so much to me. I will not let you down. I will win this war for you!!

So that is why I say my survival rate is 100%! Yes, there are uncertainties. I think this is true to any type of cancer. There are bad news all of the place about triple negative breast cancer and it seems that no all triple negative cancer are the same. This is even more reasons for me to fight harder. Do I have fear that the doctors might not find the right chemo for my type of cancer? I do, but I trust God and have faith in Him and in prayer powers. Fear gives me more power to live fully today and to fight harder! I enjoy going to chemo because I felt I was refueled, recharged and reenergized to fight. Deep down in my heart, I know I am going to win this with the help of God's grace and the power of your prayers!

Good night. I am going to have a good night sleep tonight! Wish you all the same!

Dress up for chemo!

I think I was looking forward to the chemo, partly because I really want to get this over with and partly because I want to get better! And most importantly, I got a card/gift in my mailbox two weeks in a roll right before my chemo. I think my army of fighters at work are also looking forward to seeing me going back to the battle field. Chemo right now is my weapon to fight. If I could conquer each chemo, I can win this war! Big thanks to my supporters! Your words of encouragement, prayers, flowers, cards, gifts, the delicious food are all transformed into some forms of weapons that give me strength for the fight!

So I dressed up for my third chem today. I did not give much thought about it actually. I simply unconsciously dressed up- not much on the clothese, but somehow it must showed on my face. When the nurse called me in, she stopped and gave me a second look and said "Wow! It is so nice to see someone dressed up for chemo! Thank you so much!". I was like "Wow! I did not think anyone would notice. I guess I will dress up for every chemo from now on!".

This photo does not show my high heel sandals and pendicured toe nails:) -
something I can't wear to work because my job as a chemist requires me to wear toe and heel covered shoes and long pants

Mayo Clinic does 120 to 150 chemos a day. I shared a room with five other patients- young, old, male and female. We all have our own comfy chairs. We all on our own course and schedule. So we don't have the same six people in the room at all times. The ones finished would leave and be replaced with new ones. It was a quite busy operation. If we choose, we could have our own TV monitor to watch TV. Volunteers come and go to bring free food and drinks. We all have one compaion, either a spouse, child, parent or friend. Toby was with me today because Bert had to take Anna to State Swim Championship Meet in Saginaw. Two nurses took care of us.

All the people in the room were very quiet when I walked in. Most don't have hair, wearing either nothing or scarves. Somehow the conversations I had with the nurse gave me a very good mood. So I was walking in with full head of "hair" and a big smile on my face. I did not feel I did not fit in. On the contrary, I felt I am just one of them. "Good morning, everyone!" I said in my heart quietly without wanting to disturb the quietness, but I think it showed on my face. Suddenly the old man on my left and his wife and a man of my age on my right and his daughter smiled to me. "It is a good day to have chemo today." I said referring to the beautiful weather outside. They all agreed and we talked about weather for a while. We all sensitive enough not to touch the topic why we were there, not need too. But I did learn this was the last chemo from the man on my right. We talked and joked about graduation pin and whined a little that there was no red carpet or ringing bells for end of chemo celebration at this center. I was happy to see and know these people don't want to be sad or quiet. They just follow the flow. They want to make this a happy experience too.

In order for the two nurses in the room to take care all six patients, all of our machines have beeps if something is not right or need attention. If the two nurses are busy, other nurses in the area will come. The beep never had to sound more than a second before someone showed up to help. The only problem is that all the beeps are the same tone/sound. It is hard for the patients to know if the beeps are from their own machine or others. I think I should patent different tone/sounds for these machines. I could make some money and make these chemo patients to have their own tons uploaded from their favor songs or pets. As silly as I am as you all know, I could not stop joking about this. I called these beeps "music in our ears" - "here comes the music in our ears again, whose is it?" I started a guessing game. At least the two men on each side of me laughed and participated. Nurses were smiling too!

I got the most beeps today. Somehow, my pump kept stopping. When it stopped and beeped, it hurt. A lady in her last phase of chemo replaced the man on my left told me she had same problems with Taxol too. But we still managed to finished all may the chemo in two hours!

Blood work before the chemo was still good. I started to eat more red meat to boost my red blood cells. I think it worked. My red blood cell goes back up. My white blood counts continue going down but sll is expected.

Subject of hair again - why it is so important

I think hair is important subject because hair loss is an obvious sign of chemotherapy which related to cancer. For women with breast cancer, losing breasts is a big deal. On top of that, losing hair, another femamine symbol, makes the loss seem to be doubled.
I said before that I am not afraid to lose my hair. I think I am fully prepared and determined to wear a wig for next 9 months!! I really like my wig. I used to spend 30-40 minutes doing my hair every morning. Now my 5 minute shower is done in 3 minutes and my hairdo takes a second! I think I can get used to this Practically, I am not sure it is possible. I am sure at some point, I will simply wear a scarf or hat or have a photographer taking photo of me without hair. But for now I enjoy my wig! More wigs are on my Christmas wish list:).

My hair started to come off as predicted right between my 2nd and 3rd chemo. It came off in handful and chucks. It was time to do something about it. Cutting hair in my household is my job. I tried to do it myself, but it was impossible. My dear husband had never used a buzzer before. As sweet as he is, he took on the task. He shaved my head while my two girls were watching! He could not stop saying "No matter what I do, you just look great". My girls approve too. I don't intend to show anyone outside my household my bald head. Therefore, I don't want anyone else to shave their heads including my boys and my husband. Life should be as normal as it can be.

After the shave, I told Bert "I am going upstair to take a shower and wash my hair". He replied "You mean wash your head?"....Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Who would not love this guy!

Sorry no photos. I don't have the courage yet...but someday, I will upload photos...it will come...someday...

Hair and kids

I have always treated my boys as adults. After all, they are now 19 and 21 years old. My oldest son Toby actually took me to the first doctor appointment after I found the lump. In part, it was because I was in such a hurry that I forgot my car was in the shop and it was just easier to have him driving me and also I was too nervous to drive. Somehow I knew the lump I found couldn't be good. I wish I had more frequent self exams. You really can't blame me though. After ten years of routine mammograms that found nothing and have no family history of breast cancer, I nearly gave up screening altogether. I thought the pain of going through mammogram wasn't worth it. Had I had any suspicion if I could have breast cancer, I would have done more diligent job of self examining.

Anyway, back to the topic, my boys are older enough to understand the chemo can lead to hair loss. Their reaction to the situation was "when should we shave our heads". I was moved by their gesture, but I did not think it would be necessary. If I were a little kid, I would probably feel sad that I would look different. At my age, I have enough self confidence to deal with a bald head. Secretly speaking,  I am looking forward to wear a wig. It just nicer and easier to do my hair every day!

However the news about hair loss and cancer to my daughters (11 and 12 years old) had different reaction. We did not use the "C" words in our earlier discussion. In our family, everyone knows each other so well. It was hard to hide anything, even from little kids. They know something was not right when Mom suddenly had to skip work and see doctors when she seems to be perfectly fine. So we told them that Mom had something on her breast that need to be removed. She would have to take some medicine and have a surgery. Jenny (11) was a very practical about the whole thing. She asked "how many times a person can surgery?". "If Mom has surgery, do we still need a babysitter this summer?". Anna (12), on the hand, asked tons of questions of why, how and what if which led to the discussion that Mom may lose her hair. That did not go very well with either of them. They insisted that losing hair is not an option! "Take a different medicine!", they demanded. We put off that topic for a while.

On Friday 6, after my first chemo, I was told that I might lose my hair between the 2nd and 3rd week of chemo. We had to race with time to get my girls comfortable with my hair loss. I purchased a wig at Mayo before we came home. On that evening, we had a family meeting. I started the meeting by wearing my new wig. My girls did not notice I had a fake hair at all. Joshua had to take a second look after he gave me a hug. Toby, as honest as he is, kept asking how everyone likes mom's new hair. That brought so many laughters and giggles back to our household! At the meeting, we told the whole truth about the situation including using the "C" word to the girls. Thanks to Mayo Clinic social workers who had prepared us some booklets for the girls. I thought things went well except my girls still did not like the idea of hair loss!

So we decided as a family that I should have my hair cut short just to see how I look like. My girls and I had hair cut together the next morning. They had their hair trimmed and I had my hair cut very short. My girls actually love my hair cut. Since then, I have been wearing my hair the way it is at home and wearing a wig at work. I know some close friends at work realized that I had a wig on, but I don't think most people knew or cared - mission accomplished! I don't want my cancer to be in front everyone's face at work. The only reason I want people to know about my cancer is for them to tell their wives, girl friends, daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers....that check their breast routinely for earlier breast cancer detection! Of course, I also need my friends and coworkers to join the fight with me. I can't do this alone. I need my army of supporters! Putting these reasons aside, I want to be normal at work. So far so good. I am able to work 4 days a week last week and put more than 40 hours (not counting checking emails remotely)!

I am so glad we deal with this hair issue up front. My girls now can openly joke about my hair and even play with my wig. I think I am going to buy a some more. Maybe some pink, some purple or some blue color ones:)... definitely some shorter or different style ones. What do you think?

Anna with her natural hair

Anna with my wig - I can't believe how close the colors are