Hair and kids

I have always treated my boys as adults. After all, they are now 19 and 21 years old. My oldest son Toby actually took me to the first doctor appointment after I found the lump. In part, it was because I was in such a hurry that I forgot my car was in the shop and it was just easier to have him driving me and also I was too nervous to drive. Somehow I knew the lump I found couldn't be good. I wish I had more frequent self exams. You really can't blame me though. After ten years of routine mammograms that found nothing and have no family history of breast cancer, I nearly gave up screening altogether. I thought the pain of going through mammogram wasn't worth it. Had I had any suspicion if I could have breast cancer, I would have done more diligent job of self examining.

Anyway, back to the topic, my boys are older enough to understand the chemo can lead to hair loss. Their reaction to the situation was "when should we shave our heads". I was moved by their gesture, but I did not think it would be necessary. If I were a little kid, I would probably feel sad that I would look different. At my age, I have enough self confidence to deal with a bald head. Secretly speaking,  I am looking forward to wear a wig. It just nicer and easier to do my hair every day!

However the news about hair loss and cancer to my daughters (11 and 12 years old) had different reaction. We did not use the "C" words in our earlier discussion. In our family, everyone knows each other so well. It was hard to hide anything, even from little kids. They know something was not right when Mom suddenly had to skip work and see doctors when she seems to be perfectly fine. So we told them that Mom had something on her breast that need to be removed. She would have to take some medicine and have a surgery. Jenny (11) was a very practical about the whole thing. She asked "how many times a person can surgery?". "If Mom has surgery, do we still need a babysitter this summer?". Anna (12), on the hand, asked tons of questions of why, how and what if which led to the discussion that Mom may lose her hair. That did not go very well with either of them. They insisted that losing hair is not an option! "Take a different medicine!", they demanded. We put off that topic for a while.

On Friday 6, after my first chemo, I was told that I might lose my hair between the 2nd and 3rd week of chemo. We had to race with time to get my girls comfortable with my hair loss. I purchased a wig at Mayo before we came home. On that evening, we had a family meeting. I started the meeting by wearing my new wig. My girls did not notice I had a fake hair at all. Joshua had to take a second look after he gave me a hug. Toby, as honest as he is, kept asking how everyone likes mom's new hair. That brought so many laughters and giggles back to our household! At the meeting, we told the whole truth about the situation including using the "C" word to the girls. Thanks to Mayo Clinic social workers who had prepared us some booklets for the girls. I thought things went well except my girls still did not like the idea of hair loss!

So we decided as a family that I should have my hair cut short just to see how I look like. My girls and I had hair cut together the next morning. They had their hair trimmed and I had my hair cut very short. My girls actually love my hair cut. Since then, I have been wearing my hair the way it is at home and wearing a wig at work. I know some close friends at work realized that I had a wig on, but I don't think most people knew or cared - mission accomplished! I don't want my cancer to be in front everyone's face at work. The only reason I want people to know about my cancer is for them to tell their wives, girl friends, daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers....that check their breast routinely for earlier breast cancer detection! Of course, I also need my friends and coworkers to join the fight with me. I can't do this alone. I need my army of supporters! Putting these reasons aside, I want to be normal at work. So far so good. I am able to work 4 days a week last week and put more than 40 hours (not counting checking emails remotely)!

I am so glad we deal with this hair issue up front. My girls now can openly joke about my hair and even play with my wig. I think I am going to buy a some more. Maybe some pink, some purple or some blue color ones:)... definitely some shorter or different style ones. What do you think?

Anna with her natural hair

Anna with my wig - I can't believe how close the colors are