Round 4

Another round of chemo is completed. My blood test before the chemo continues to show good results. These multivitamin and red meat help to keep my red blood cells in the normal range. My white blood cell is still low, but not in any dangerous zone.

For some reason, today's chemo went very fast. I dozed through most of the part. When it was done, I was still drowsy. They gave me three drugs before the chemo medicine. One is a steroid, one is Benadryl and is another kind of antihistamine. All three medicines are given to prevent any allergic reaction to the chemo medicine Taxol. Benadryl made me drowsy, but the steroid kept me awake after the chemo. Doctor also prescribed some sleeping pill in case I could not sleep again. I may try...hate the idea of taking all of these drugs that keep me up and then taking sleeping pills to put me down. I will let you know how this all work out later.

I had a very little conversation with other people in my chemo room today because I fell asleep most of the time. However, one lady there who really inspired me. She sat across the room from me. She seemed to be in her late 70s or earlier 80s. She made a comment that this was her 16th chemo. She was so excited that she bought herself a new hat to celebrate. I made a mistake by asking how many more chemo she would still have. You see, I assumed everyone is like me to have only certain numbers of chemos before or after surgery. She did not answer my question. Instead, she said: "My doctor did not think I could live long enough to have 3 chemos. I am so excited to have my 16th today". That was when I suddenly realized she is on the terminal stage of some kind of cancer. When that happens, doctor will use chemo as a way to prolong the patient's life. Chemo is no longer a treatment method. It is a way to stop or slow the cancer spreading. This lady inspired me because with her attitude, I could not tell she was given a death sentence already! She was happily talked about her grand children's visits, her children's cruise trip, her cooking and cleaning the house. Out of the 6 people in the room, she was the only one talking more than me. Yet, she probably has the worse of all situations!!

This also reminds me how easy one can ask the "wrong" question and how gently she gave me the answer without making me embarrassed. I hope I did not offend anyone when some people asked me "What is your survival rate? (or What is the prognosis? How long can you live?)" and I answered "my survival rate is 100%". I meant it! I guess deep in our hearts we all know that every cancer is different depending on many factors such as stage, type and reaction to treatment. I don't have all the answers yet, but I will fight on no matter what so I believe there is only one outcome that is I win!

What advantages I have then that makes me so determined that I will win?

• I detected it relatively earlier. I want every woman in this world to be able to detect their breast cancer earlier. By the size of it, my cancer is stage I. However the true stage is normally determined at the surgery which I will do after the chemo.
• No indication of lymph node involvement. This is done through needle aspiration biopsy. This again needs to be verified at surgery later.
• No indication it has gone anywhere else in my body through CAT scan and Bone scan.
• I have the fastest growing type cancer. This is scary and you would think it should not be an advantage. Fast growing cells react better to chemotherapy. This is one of the reasons why I do chemo before surgery. By doing chemo first, doctor can monitor the tumor. I pray the chemo will be effective on my tumor. If for any reason it does not (quite high chance unfortunately), doctor can consider using different chemo. If I we chose to take the tumor out with surgery first and then chemo, we would not know if the chemo be effective. 
• I am relative young and healthy:). I can fight. So far, I don't have any major side effect yet from the chemo. I am able to work more than 4 days a week and only take time off for chemo.
• I have so many supporters that keep in positive and cheerful. Your encouragement, cards, gifts, meals and even a simple hug, hello, smile mean so much to me. I will not let you down. I will win this war for you!!

So that is why I say my survival rate is 100%! Yes, there are uncertainties. I think this is true to any type of cancer. There are bad news all of the place about triple negative breast cancer and it seems that no all triple negative cancer are the same. This is even more reasons for me to fight harder. Do I have fear that the doctors might not find the right chemo for my type of cancer? I do, but I trust God and have faith in Him and in prayer powers. Fear gives me more power to live fully today and to fight harder! I enjoy going to chemo because I felt I was refueled, recharged and reenergized to fight. Deep down in my heart, I know I am going to win this with the help of God's grace and the power of your prayers!

Good night. I am going to have a good night sleep tonight! Wish you all the same!