After the surgery

 Today is the third day after surgery. Sue is still sleeping. She spent one day in the hospital and was released on Christmas day. All is well considering the kind of surgery she had. She is walking a few times a day and seems to be feeling well most of the time as long as we make sure she stays on top with her pain medicine. It is hard for her to deal with the fact, that there are many little things she can’t do and has to ask for help. For example, she cannot raise her arms above her head – even if she wanted to. At this time it makes even drinking a little difficult, putting a jacket on is not possible without help.

We learned that is often the little things in live which make a huge difference. Trying to sleep on a regular bed is impossible. We did not realize this until we were back in the hotel. The hospital beds are so versatile and can be adjusted, but not the bed in the hotel. However, we have been very luck that the hotel room had a Lazy Boy reclining chair (I think Sue has a special Guardian Angel assigned to her – and she deserves it).  Without that chair we would have been in trouble. Sue sleeps in it and it serves her very well.

Right now it is early morning and I will try to wake up everybody very soon. Today I am trying to take Sue out. It may need the help of a wheel chair, but I think it is good to keep her moving. Let’s see what we can do.  It needs to be an inside activity since the temperature have fallen to 1° F or below at night and during the day we barely reach 17° F. 

It is great to have the whole family here. We love to stay together even so we are mostly confined to the hotel. The boys have been very helpful all the way and the girls are doing very well too. Even Rex has been with us all the time. He is a great therapy dog. He is very careful around Sue and enjoys being around us at all times. This was a different Christmas compared to all the other years but I truly believe we had the best Christmas gift ever.

Bert

The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27

Recovery

Sue is still in recovery but we got the news  from the doctor and the prognosis is as good as we hoped for. We will need to wait another 1 to 2 weeks to get final and absolute conformation. But it looks like she had full pathological recovery. That means the cancer is gone, vanished - not there anymore. All in all this provides a great outlook for the future.

I am so thankful for this. This is the best Christmas gift ever. Lets be humble and praise to Lord for his love that he shows us every day.

She should be back with the family by tomorrow night.

Merry Christmas - may the Lord send his grace to all of you and your families.

This morning Sue wanted me to take pictures-  I didn’t! Some days are better kept in the memories without pictures. Memories tend to get better as time goes by. However, I will never forget this afternoon and how much it meant to me. All the last 6 month I never had a doubt that it would end well. I don’t know why, but I am at peace with all of it. I trust that all will be well. But when the doctor called I lost my voice and and had tears of joy in my eyes. It was as if everything I hoped for came finally true. I wrote a number of emails and tried to share my joy with as many people as possible. The kids are excited too. The boys are really relieved and happy. The girls are still trying to understand.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Bert

And yes, I made sure that I got enough coffee this afternoon. I wonder what her first worry ill be when she wakes up?

Today is the Day

This is Bert writing. (This was supposed to be posted at 11:30 AM - but we had technical difficulties).

Sue got of the OR a little over an hour ago. This morning was the hardest time for me during the last 6 month. I would have wished so much that I could have done something to help her with this process. I wish I could have taken her place. But, at the end there is nothing we can do.

Sue was very calm and had a great spirit. I admire her for the strength she possesses. I am sitting in a waiting room for the next few hours. I am at peace with the world and full of hope. All the indications we have are very, very positive. But, at the end of the day we will know if this is true or not. The unknown is something that is hard to deal with. But again, my faith and my trust in the Lord are keeping me calm.

During the last months and this time of uncertainty I have looked back on my/our live. I don’t want to bother you with details, but I/we have been blessed all my live. I can't even express how thankfully I am for all the good things the Lord bestowed upon us over these years. I am sure there is far more to come.

Sue is in excellent hands and the Lord is watching over her. Soon she will be up and about and spread her energy and her love for live in the world around us.

Looking at her last post, I have to agree. This is not defining her. Sue is who she is and she is so unique. This is just a hurdle in the road and it will make us only stronger. It already has in the last few months. We have realized how much many important things there are in life than what we thought there are. Especially I have learned how deep my love is for this woman and how much she means for so many others.

This morning when she was already sleepy and droopy from the medicine, she asked me (with all the concerns she could muster) if I got enough coffee this morning. For somebody on her way to a four hour surgery is there a nicer way to say: “I love you"? .... I don't think so.

I also would like to thank each and every one of our friends for all the support we have gotten. I never knew that there are so many people out there that are there when we need them. So many of you offered you help, and we really, really appreciated. It gave us so much comfort and strength.  If there is anybody we did not thank yet, and there are probably quite few, please know that we do appreciate all you did and will carry the kindness you bestowed upon us in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

I will post more later and let you know where we are.

Let's talk about Boobs

Ha! Now I get your attention! Nothing X rated. However, if you are uncomfortable reading about me talking about Boobs, please stop right here.

Merry Christmas to you all!

The moment my doctor called and told me that I have breast cancer, I knew I would get rid of my boobs. Now nearly 6 months later, my thought has not changed. It is not because I don't like my boobs. I think every woman has some attachment to their boobs. Boobs and hair are important to woman. I can't say these things label who we are, but they do have a part of defining us. A woman without boobs may feel incomplete or at least may be seen by others as so.

I don't hate my boobs even though breast cancer made me go through 5 months of chemo and associated me with the scary word of cancer. But somehow, I know the breast cancer reoccurring rate will be associated to my decision of what I do with my breasts. I could have lumpectomy – just remove the tumor and surrounding tissues or single mastectomy – to remove the entire breast with tumor or double mastectomy – to remove both breasts. I am determined to not have to deal with breast cancer again. I want to reduce any chances of breast cancer reoccurring. That is reason I choose double mastectomy.

With this attitude, I have mentally detached from my breasts since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I think that could explain why I am comfortable to have multiple doctors and nurses to examine them. After I decided to join the clinic trial, my breasts became “clinical samples” to me. Surgery will simply be the last step to detach these samples physically from me. They will be labeled with bar codes and sample IDs. They will be used for breast cancer research. I am very happy to make such contribution.

Just like how comfortable I am running around with hair with my family and friends, I think I would be comfortable to live my life without my boobs. My friends and family members would accept me the way how I look without questions. However, I am not sure I would be completely comfortable with strangers. Do I want to be reminded of breast cancer every time I met a stranger? I think that would be difficult. I think looking “normal” will remove any questions or strange stares that would remind me of breast cancer. For this reason, reconstruction of breasts is considered. There are many options of doing so. I will keep these options to myself, at least for now.

In short, my surgery is set for December 24^th. I am going to enter the operation room with two boobs and wake up with two new cancer free boobs. I will have my family with me at least the first two weeks of recovery. I can’t ask for a better Christmas present.

Please continue pray for us. Pray for my doctors with steady hands and clear minds. Pray for my husband keeping his cool and patience. Pray for my kids have good time in Rochester and enjoy a unique Christmas experience.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Thanksgiving

Happy belated thanksgiving to my blog readers. I have a lot to thank for in my life. I thank God to give me such a good family and friends in my life. I think them for supporting me, fighting with me, encouraging me, praying for me and even feed me and my family. I could not have done all what i did without the supports of friends, family and coworkers! We had a great family vacation on this thanksgiving. On Thursday morning the whole family, yes including Toby and Joshua, drove to Wiscousin Dells. We stayed at the kalahari resort. The more thank 100,000 sf of indoor water and them parks kept us busy especially the kids. In the two days we stayed there, kids had a blast!. Besides riding all the slides in the biggest indoor water park, they also did multiple rounds of wall climbing, laser tag, mini golf, rope course, go cart et al. The whole family enjoyed two rounds of bowling. Of course Dad beat all of us by a big margin! On thursday night, we enjoyed a wornderful thanksgiving buffet. It was a treat for sure. Here a few photos took from iPhone. Pictures can't capture the impressive feast. Kids said we should come here for thanksgiving every year - to form a new family tradition. Sounds like not a bad idea!....we have to think about:)

deserts

more deserts

my turkey plate

kids love this

more deserts

My roast beef plate

my appetizer plate

Family

On Friday morning, Bert and I drove to Mayo Clinic. It was 2/5 hrs away and an easy drive. There I finished my last Chemo!! It was all uneventful. However, I am sadly miss my chemo partner, Jeanne. She started chemo two weeks before me. Unfortunately she had went through infections first on her finer nails and now on her toes. She now ended up at least two weeks behind. I pray for her. I know how frustrated to have speed pump on the road. But Jean, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel already? Keep up your good spirit!!

So we celebrated with food and fun!

salad and pizza

desrts

salad bar

my salad plate

my main plate

a section of buffet table

Toby and Jenny having fun

Toby and Jenny

one of many phots of Jenni

Lefty handed Anna

Lefty handed Josh

proud to have a strike?

Yeah, that is definitely a strike!

Three men in my life - Love you all dearly!!

Lefty handed Toby

Dad smashed us!

Mom without passing the line

Goof around

Jenni on the wall

Anna and Toby on the wall

Toby on the wall

Anna on the wall

Jenni on the Rope course

Josh and Jenni on the rope course

Got a lot of huges from my kids:)

First family photo

Dad goof around

yeah, another family photo!

Scaring Josh? not really

Anna and Toby



Floating on the lazy river, but I think they make it not so lazy



group ride

floating on the lazy rive

The expressions from Toby and Jenni after they came out the biggest drop slides

Departing the Resorts - We had a great time!!

We left the resorts on Saturday morning. We then met with Wesses in Chicago for some Chicago dogs and burgers before heading home. It was a great getaway and celebration of my last chemo.

Pre-operative tests in one week. Then we will know my surgery plans! Can't wait!!

Small things make big difference in life

Small things can make a huge difference in life. For example, eye lashed and nose hairs, who would think they are important! Because of the side effect of chemo, I lost most of my eye lashes and nose hairs. That is when I realize how important they are in my life. Without these hairs, you would have to deal with constant running nose and tears!! I now wonder what facial hair actually does. It must have a purpose too that I believe I just have not figured it out yet. I think I will have more appreciation for my hairs when they return. I miss having full head of hair to keep me warm in the cold and isolate me from the heat under the sun. I miss nose hairs that would give me protection. I felt silly constantly sucking my nose in or blowing it out. I miss my eye lashes that keep dirts out of my eyes and keep my eyes from running like a water fountain and sparkling from the tear drops. I think police would stop me and give me tickets if they know my tear prevent me seeing the road. I don't miss my other bodily hair yet, but I am sure in an unusual situations, I may find their purposes. It makes your wonder how great God is to create us perfectly.

Happy Birthday, Udo!

Last Friday when I had my second last chemo was my brother in law Udo's birthday. Udo had been with us for 6 weeks helping us talking care of the girls and light house work. He was a great helper. He just left today back to Germany. I hope he will come again in December. We don't always have a chance to celebrate his birthday on his birthday in person so it is quite special for all of us.

Udo's birthday cake

Chemo went uneventfully on Friday. Although my blood counts were low which were the contributing factor for my fatique, it was low enough to require treament or stop chemo. Chemo is a way how I fight with this cancer so I must say that I am looking forward to every one of them. One more to go!!

administrating the "red devil"

"I love chemo" made from the pretzel I was eating while doing chemo

Thanks to my friends for your continuing encouragements and supports. Especially thanks to Sheila and Shelley for the wonderful dinner on Friday and Saturday. They are wonderfully delicious!

Meat Balls

Salad

Scalloped potatoes

dinner roll and brownie (not photoed)

Magarita! Non-acoholic

Enchiladas

Mexican Rice

Beans

Cherry Pie